I’ve been throwing myself a major pity party lately. I know it doesn’t seem that way from my Mother’s Day post. I seriously try not to be a negative person, but it’s really hard. Hard when you are unhappy in your job and you have a beautiful kid at home spending his day with people other than you. Even when you trust them. And even when they are the father, or the grandfather. It’s still hard.
I read other people’s parenting blogs and talk to friends and also just live in the world enough to know that there is often this dilemma… would I rather be a working mom, or a stay at home mom?
What about when you don’t have a CHOICE? I think that is what gets me the most. I just don’t have a choice.
I hear from stay at home mom’s who seem miserable a lot of the time, struggling for an identity other than as mother to their children. I hear from other working moms many of the same feelings that I feel myself, guilt with a tinge of jealousy for those who get to be with our babies and uncertainty of whether our job is worth the sacrifice. Will I regret this down the road? Of course there are some who manage to find a balance. But, I feel like the grass is never just green. Can’t it always be greener? I have to be a working mom. How can I keep my grass healthy and green while balancing being a working mom?
For me it means, lessening my commute and finding a job that fulfills me enough to give me balance to my job as mother to Theo. I know that I enjoy my job as a mother, I enjoy making a happy, comfortable home for my family and I love the extracurriculars that I am involved with. Why is it that my bread and butter makes me the least happy? For now, I will continue to treasure my Sat – Sun – Mon where I get to be home with Theo. And the fact that my current job does allow me the flexibility to work less hours than I technically should be working. I will also continue to search for a new place that is closer and, hopefully, more fulfilling. Happy Thursday.